A tale of two teppanyaki

Once upon a time, there was a young boy who dreamed of eating the most exciting food in all of Tokyo. One day, a wise old friend of his said, "Why don't you go to the teppanyaki restaurant in the ANA hotel?" Knowing his friend was a bit eccentric, the young boy replied, "You mean, teppanyaki like those shitty American hibachi-style steakhouses?" The wise man laughed and answered, "Young one, even the most twisted culinary abominations sometimes have roots in authenticity and deliciousness, you'll see!" and made him a reservation. Gamely, the young man strapped on his bib and awaited with some trepidation.


His fears were soon assuaged by the sight of a live and wriggling prawn. Entranced, he watched as the chef masterfully shelled the prawn and pressed the shell on the immaculate grill with his spatula. "Chef, what are you doing?" the young boy asked. "Making the shell crispy and delicious for you," the chef replied. And it was so.


Next he saw a finely marbled slab of Kobe beef, practically begging him to eat it. "Chef, is that for me?" he asked politely. "Yes, but you must share this with your special lady friend," the chef replied. "But never fear, the flesh will be so rich, succulent and tender even a small amount will satisfy you." And it was so.


Finally, the young boy saw a pile of rice alongside a bowl of minced garlic. "Chef, what will you make next?" the young boy asked. "Garlic rice, each grain garlicky and distinct," the chef replied. "I will use the sauteeing oil from the garlic to dress the beansprouts, and on top I will make a delicate cracker the likes of which you have never tasted before." And it was so.


The young man went away from the restaurant with a different view of teppanyaki. "Teppanyaki is terrific!" he thought to himself. Sadly it was soon time for him to leave the magical land of Tokyo and return to his distant homeland, an ocean away. Eager to replicate his divine eating experience, he chose to go to a teppanyaki restaurant for dinner on his return.


Unlike the sunlit teppanyaki place in magical Tokyo-land, this restaurant was sinisterly dark. Despite the lack of light, he soon noticed a pile of shrimp, but they were lifeless and grey. "Chef, why are the shrimp not alive and wriggling?" he asked innocently. "Hush, we are not barbarians! Dead and rubbery is the American way!" the chef replied. And it was so.


Next he saw a huge pile of red meat. "Chef, where is the fat in the beef, so that it may taste bacon-wrapped, though there is no bacon?" the young man asked. "Hush, I am busy cleaning out shrimp tails from my hat!" the chef replied. And it was so.


Next, the young boy saw a strange sight: the chef was making many motions next to a pile of rice resting on the grill, but not actually touching the rice. "Chef, what are you doing?" the young boy asked. "Showboating, you fool! Drink more sake if you must to make the rest of the meal tolerable." And it was so.

Saddened by the absence of delicious teppanyaki in his homeland, the young boy vowed to return to the magical land of Tokyo to quench his appetite, soon.